BumCulture: “MY STOCKINGS ARE HUNGRY: FEED THEM”!

Christmas is a time for GIVING. That is...

GIVING

STUFF!

Plain and simple.

Let’s be really real. We all know how far gone the idea of ‘paying homage’ [see case Lil Kim v. Nicki Minaj 2010] to baby Jesus in a purely religious way is.

Jesus.Is.no.longer.the.reason.for.the.season! I said it.

We've ousted out sweet, minty baby Jesus and replaced him with the old, morbidly obese bum that is St.Nicholas.

Instead, it is the season for:

-“barrel come”!

-downtown shoppin’ for new curtains, rugs, and shower rods [huh?]

-trips to the very faithful Western Union Money Transfer

-freshly painted houses [in every possible colour …on ONE house]

-ham, sorrel and fruit cake

-Christmas-related Twitter Trending Topics

-fresh acrylic and rainbow-coloured synthetic hair [yikes!]

-Santa Claus and the 12 Dwarves [oops. Did somebody just mix-up her fairy tales?]

-Christmas Sunday school pageants at church

-Sting

-and nativity scenes replications in our banks, churches, on greeting cards, on gift wraps and tree ornaments, in supermarket parking lots, and in electronics stores display windows [laughable].

Christmas used to mean the “Mass (celebration) of Christ”. Now it just for the Ma$$ spending of Ca$h!

I don't excite myself over Christmas or anything it entails. Never have, never will [*ahem* "Grinch"!].

However, let it be known that I'm never too apathetic about it not to accept gifts from those cheerful ones who are willing to offer a chick some stuff. Just don't expect any in return.

So don’t be shy. $pend a little money on ME this Christmas.

MY STOCKINGS ARE HUNGRY: FEED THEM!